FenwayFaithful

I've posted here before. I've never really been helpful, I don't really know how to help myself let alone anyone else right now, so I apologize for always asking and never giving.

I'm blowing all my money on alcohol. I just got another job on top of being a student. At a liquor store...not really on purpose. They were hiring and not many people are...ten bucks an hour is hard to turn down.

Anyway, that doesn't really matter. I'm seeing a therapist and she put me on zoloft. Only you can't drink with it so I haven't taken it. I told her I drink often but I felt weird saying it's every day. Right now I have one of those 375 ML of Vodka next to me. Vodka's always been my "poison" of choice. I've started buying these little 375 ML bottles so that I only drink that much instead of getting the handles where I keep pouring it. I don't get drunk very often, just drink enough to take the edge off and slow down my mind so I can sleep. Limiting myself to the 375 ML bottles helpes w/ that because those don't really have enough to affect me. It just sucks because it's taking more and more for me to feel it. I just can't stop/handle my life without taking the edge off. It's not that I need to drink, it's just I need to not feel you know? Does that make sense?

I'm not ready to stop drinking. I can't do it and I don't want to. So no I can't be helped until I'm ready to stop because I don't think what I'm doing is a serious problem and I can't handle my life without taking the edge off...problem is the zoloft thing...is drinking like a 375 ML bottleish a night too much alcohol? They say "moderate" drinking (1 to 2 shots for someone my size) is probably okay once I'm used to it but... like 8 shots barely gives me a buzz anymore so would that mean I can drink that much with the meds? Maybe I should just stay away from anti-depressants until I got the alcohol thing under control IDK. I don't want to tell my therapist just how often I drink bc it just sounds bad