Believe in yourself that you can live a sober life, and that you deserve it. Don't let the self-loathing drive you back to drinking.
I agree completely. Self hatred kept me drinking cause I thought I didn't deserve a better life, that I was a loser so felt justified in living the life of a loser. Now that I'm sober I can see clearly the lies I told myself and allowed myself to believe. I DO deserve a decent life and living sober IS a decent life. You deserve a good life too. Please find a way to get and stay sober. It takes some effort on your part but is very much worth it.
Welcome to SR!