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Old 02-27-2010, 11:54 AM
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Deeztryin
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: costa mesa CA
Posts: 4
starting again, hope it works

Hello all
Im new here,

I never would have thought Not doing something would be the hardest thing I would ever do.

its so difficult to avoid the JUSTIFICATION monster! I can sell myself a excuse to drink faster than anything. Every thing i have done for most of my life somehow involved drinking. Now i cant just have one or 2, it goes right into several bottles of wine and bits i dont remember, staying at home in shame getting housed playing online games so now one see's me. I'll get 2 days in and feeling healthy then that justification monster kicks in. then the days of hateing myself kick in. Being diabetic does not help ether.
Im trying though. at 37 I have been a chef for 20 years, i just closed my company last year.
I moved away from all my people who were a bad influence on me and me on them.
Im now a full time student in Fine arts school and it really does make me happy.
I just cant stand it when i slip up, i cant stand hateing my self for it. and why is it sooo hard to break this chain, i dont want it, but there it is. So i go up and down, to my classes and home to my room, day in day out, Im soo close if i could break this cycle im really on the verge of being a new me and I want to like this guy.

I just have to kick this dang habbit,,,,, grrr

well thats my rant for now thanks for letting me let it out
D
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