No Extremes.
I remember when i was new to sobriety I mourned the extremes of active alcoholism/drug addiction.
It seemed hard to comprehend a future without feeling 10 miles high and just wanting to kiss the sky in ecstacy and wonderfull euphoria. That inexplicable moment where you are in perfect harmony with your surroundings and your mind is just pulsating with joy and you just want to shake somebodys hand and tell them how great it is to be alive... But then no sooner as you 'had it' you've lost it again.
The next few hours/days spent chasing and chasing that magic feeling, only to not be able to get any higher anymore, instead just poisoning your body and running away from the comedown. Utter desolation.
In recovery I don't feel sadness about this anymore. For this alcoholic/drug addict there is just no point in even bothering entertaining the idea, as that magic long since died.
I like the person who I am now and I am glad I experienced what I experienced. But I am glad I am able to live with serenity that I know I am an alcoholic/addict. Without this Acceptance then I would have to once again feel that indescribable desolation that only an alcoholic knows. I don't miss that at all but I never forget that I am only ever one drink away from losing everything.
Life is so much more simple now. I now have faith. Not in a religious way but in spirituality and it feels great. My drinking and drugging started out with the hippy ideal of peace and love but just like that hippy ideal quickly turned into dark depressive alcoholism and drug addiction. Ironic that I used to think I was finding peace and Love in getting out of my head when I had inside me all along... It just took me to reach my rockbottom before I had any chance of finding it.
peace and love xxx