I totally heard myself in this post Jenny. My DOC was Tramadol too and I know what a nightmare this can be. I was on that same rollercoaster as you (online purchasing, energy and highs, crashing lows and w/ds.) I don't have children but I can imagine how difficult it is to take care of others when you're having trouble with yourself. My fiance is an addict too Jenny (not trams, harder stuff) - but we are now in recovery together. As others here have mentioned, you really need to see a doctor and please don't C/T without seeking medical supervision. You are on a slippery slope that could end up in seizures, and that really scares me for you and your kids. My Dr told me that the w/d is so horrific b/c as well as the opiate like properties of the trams they have SNRI (anti-depressant) properties. Think about the number of these things we take everyday - that's dangerous enough, but it can be even more dangerous to suddenly take this away. BUT it can be done SAFELY with medical supervision and either a taper plan or an alternative medically planned detox. Have you looked around at state funded assistance, free health clinic services, Medicaid etc?
Welcome to SR! You're at the right place!