Hi cerastes
As an alcoholic, I know that nothing anyone said or tried to do for me was effective...until
I decided to get sober, for
me.
It's hard to be on either side of that fence - and I have been....I've watched family members wither away too.
The important thing in all of this is to take care of yourself too.
Have you thought of AlAnon or CoDa?
Welcome to Co-Dependents Anonymous World Fellowship Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
They are both 12 step programmes but I think the things you would learn there and the support you would get would far outweigh any disquiet over the notion of a higher power.
Welcome to SR
D