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Old 02-24-2010, 07:22 AM
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traderjane
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Drinking and Dating... Advice Needed!

Hi all... I'm on the verge of kicking alcohol out of my life for good. I am in SMART Recovery, attending f2f meetings every week, getting good support there and feel I've found what I need to kick this in the long run.

I can totally see why I need to stop drinking. I had a stretch of 7 sober days last week and never felt better. Although I screwed up and drank on Friday night last weekend, I'm back on the sober track and feel even stronger this time around. The SMART meetings and people are helping me learn from my mistakes and how to make them "teachable moments."

Here's my problem. I can see why I need to stop drinking while alone (that was just self-abuse, really) and even in social situations I can see why not drinking socially is a better option for me. What I am having trouble with is the idea of DATING and not drinking. I am a 45 year old divorced Mom of 3 and have started dating again. For me, dating and alcohol have always gone hand in hand. It just has always made it easier for me to loosen up and let go of my inhibitions with a couple of drinks in me.

I have someone coming to visit me from out of town this weekend. We have never met (or when we did meet we were kids in the same hometown on the swim team together). I like him a lot and he seems to like me a lot, so we arranged this weekend together. HE DOES NOT DRINK. He used to drink, but told me that he stopped because he "had to." I think he has not had any alcohol in about 2 years or more. He seems very happy to have alcohol out of his life.

I am thinking this is the perfect opportunity to try "not drinking" in a dating situation. But I'm terrified of that prospect. I'm worried I will never be able to relax with him without a glass of wine. If I do drink this weekend, I think I'm setting myself up for having to quit later down the road if we continue to see each other. I have told him that I am trying to quit, in the process of quitting, and he is completely supportive and accepting that I have this problem. In fact, he probably understands better than most what I'm going through.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking here ... maybe just moral support and advice? Can anyone share experiences that might be helpful? Can it still be romantic without wine in the picture? I know the right thing to do is to start off the relationship on the right foot, but I'm quite nervous about it.

Thanks!!!

Laura
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