slowburn,
i'm sorry about your husband, what you've said here is exactly to the letter how i've been feeling. lots of anger at him, then his mother and brothers. i guess i blame him for dying and them for keeping their door open to him/ his addiction and encouraging him to live with them and not his family, they seem to have been convinced that i was the enemy. i keep thinking that maybe if they had put more interest in understanding addiction and kind of stepped out of my marriage, i may have been more able to recognize his was sick and could have better encouraged him to see the doctor, maybe he would have reached a different bottom.
i really know all this has to be wrong thinking, nobody is to blame but i guess thats where i am right now. i don''t know if his brain tumor was addiction related but i do know that while he was around, i was more able to notice if he was sick. i'm sure his addiction wouldn't allow him to take care of himself but there were signs when he last lived with me. i wonder did anyone else notice, according to him, they never really cared unless he had money to take care of them.
i'm also angry because after his passing, they wanted me to agree to not claiming his body. they wanted to leave his as property of the prison in another part of the state. how could they not want to bring his body home? so what he was an addict, he still deserved more than that, i think. thanks to my friends here at sr, i was able to bring him back home for a proper military burial. i don't know, i guess i know what anger is gonna do for me, so i have to work my way through all of this.
i feel like his family didn't really acknowledge him or us in life and now in death, but thats ok, its over now.