Hi Holy,
I felt the same as you but by the time I finally got help to stop and stay stopped, I was able to follow through with AA & also help from a counselor for my clinical depression.
It has been 21 years of one day at a time. It still scares me to say it out loud or even write it because I don't want to pick up that first drink ever again. You might check with your doc because a depression may be involved due to having your baby...some Mom's experience depression after having a baby & with a little help it can usually be resolved quickly.
This Sober Recovery Program is a very good place to start & gives you a lot of real concern & help from our personal experiences with alcohol. I wish you the best. :wub:
kelsh