Welcome to SR, EllaBella!
I have been there before. You are where you are supposed to be in your journey towards recovery. Maintain some willingness to change, open-mindedness towards new ideas, above all-honesty within yourself. Should you stick-with-it the idea of being "alcoholic" will lose its' "stigma" and a new life will await you. I had to reach a point within myself where, on all levels of my being, there was no more denial as to what I am, and no conditions regarding recovery. I became H.O.W. and life changed in ways I could not even dreamed of.
Stay at it. Don't give up. Keep doing what keeps you sober(recovery) and truly happy(recovery); the rest will take care of itself.
Keep coming back!
Peace...
