MAB, using drugs or alcohol is usually just a symptom of a bigger problem. Your post should make that clear to you. AA is not about getting sober but rather living sober and changing. If you don't want to go to AA or NA, etc that's up to you but I can't tell you how hopeless I felt before I started working the steps. I was full of anger/resentment, self-pity, EGO, etc.. I always thought only about myself. My wife and kids came second to alcohol and so did my relationship with God (as I understand him). Look, I am not one of those people would call a Big Book thumper at all. I am just like your everyday joe but inside I was physically, mentally and spiritually bankrupt after drinking for so long that once I got sober I had to dig inside with the help of my sponsor and a great therapist to find why I was the way I was. I am still trying to improve but when I find myself twisted, angry, full of self-pity, etc I usually turn to God and ask him to give me guidance. I then think about all of the good thuings in my life that would be gone or going if I was still using or acting like a dry drunk. This didn't happen overnight and I felt it would never come but one day I just felt more at peace with myself. FTR, I once went 13 months without a drink and never admitted I was an A and did nothing but stew for 13 months and feel sorry for myself. Well, I went back to drinking and my life turned into a mess. This time I am accepting my A and working the AA program and it's much different. Good luck!!