Welcome fascination! You ask how many times will you say "no more" and then continue drinking. For me, it was hundreds of times. I was in my 40's when I started to seriously question what I was doing to myself. Be glad that you're younger & are seeing the light now. Hopefully with minimal damage done.
The feeling numb, paralyzed & empty when not drinking will change as you banish the poison from your life and begin healing. At first it does feel strange because you've convinced yourself it's all you have to look forward to. This can be changed - you can learn to live again in a new and healthy way. Keep sharing your story with us - you'll feel better each time you write down your thoughts.