I'm glad you found SR, Sadclown (great name). It does help so much to tell your story to people who will understand and not condemn you. I had no one in my life who really understood what I was going through.
Drinking caused me to do many out-of-character things. I found myself wandering in strange neighborhoods, befriending people I had nothing in common with, spending money recklessly - put myself in danger many times. I was always trying to find that happy, high feeling I had when I first drank. It was lost long ago, but I kept insisting it could be fun again if only I could control it. I spent decades chasing that elusive feeling.
You sound ready to put an end to your misery and to live your life with a clear head. You say you need to stop now. Many people never get that. Be glad you know what needs to be done. We hope to hear more about you. Look forward to a new day & a life free of that poison.