Sadclown

Two days i finally said im done with this life and drank a 750 ml bottle of lime vodka and took 15 vicodin's. But something i have never felt before in some odd moment of "sober" with all that in my system told me to call 911, they rushed me to the hospital and made me drink liquid charcoal and i recovered, somewhat.

I started drinking in my early 20s to escape from the living situation i had at the time with my, now, wife where i stayed with her family in a small 3 bedroom duplex with 12 people. We had our first child there and then her sisters caught the baby virus and decided to have children too and by then the duplex was busting at the seams so we decided to get out and stayed out however that did not cure me of still wanting that drink.

Five years down the road i finally got to the place where i wanted to be as far as my career was concerned and became an area supervisor making very good money. I was still drinking every night and dealing with the consequences every morning, it didnt help that the owner of the company was an alcoholic and we would drink after every day of work paid in full by him. Then the bombshell, my mother passed away because of the side effects of alcoholism and it was a complete shock because we were not close at all and had no communication during the last few months of her life. When i got the information i bottomed out and started drinking even more. My wife bore the brunt of this and i struck her a few times.

I got it in my head that life is too short and **** the world im going to do what i want to so i left my wife and moved in with another girl and continued to sleep around and move in with other women and moving in with them which lasted about a year. Finally the booze took over and my job suffered to the point where i was let go...i was still able to collect unemployment so the booze was still there. Eventually the wife and i got back together and i still continued drinking thinking i had a handle on it...until two days ago.

I dont know why im here...maybe talking will help because i really dont have anyone to speak to about this. What i do know is that i need to stop drinking and it needs to stop now. I guess you could call this day #1.

Thanks for listening.