thank you all for your replies. when i said no drinking if we were going to work on our marriage, this is what i meant. i told him that i would not live with him anymore if he was going to drink.....but i can't enforce that if i am not sure if he is drinking. btw the reason i said no drinking at all is because - first he is horribly verbally abusive when he drinks and second, he has gained so much weight and i am very concerned for his health. he is only 38 and i am 35 and if he continues this way it won't be long before he has a heart attack or something like that, and i believe that all his drinking has very much deteriorated his health. i don't want to take care of someone for the rest of my life because they didn't take care of themselves. mabye that is selfish, but it is reality.