"If things get bad I'll take a drink and go to a hospital near my office weekend after next"
OK, well, why the weekend after next after taking this drink you are considering when things get bad?
When you did this numerous times before, didn't it seem like they were adding up? Simply put, I was like a daily 6-pack drinker and for years on end. I'm lucky as can be, FINALLY, now that I am facing the disease I have for life. Don't you think you are in the same boat with me, even though you are a "bout" drinker as opposed to everyday? You are going through violent stuff, and the others on here are recommending medical attention, so with my limited understanding, I am wondering why you would not go with that advice. Maybe you "have not hit the bottom" yet, as they call it.
I feel like I am being paternalistic in the way I am talking, so will probably refrain for a while, because I am more comfortable using a softer approach here (I was an anonymous internet drunk who liked to speak out online...well, I still am, but I stopped drinking, ha ha). Hopefully you will take a stitch of caring out of me though.