Thread: relapse?
View Single Post
Old 06-18-2004, 01:17 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
chess
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Hopeland
Posts: 95
relapse?

I don't understand this. I seem to be stuck in this feeling. It started yesterday. I was at a social gathering and there was no one I knew there and I started feeling lonely like I was never gonna be good enough for anybody to seek my company. This is a reoccuring theme with me. Not being good enough. Anyways yesterday my mind kept trying to get me down but I wasn't following. I sorta just kept watching the feeling like from the outside. It got stronger and then let go a bit and then it tried to take control again and let up again. Strange thing was that I kept my calm and just watched these feelings surface and then pass and resurface and pass again and every time they felt less strong. Anyways today the whole morning I have been in extreme need of outside validation and feeling like a failure. I don't have anyone who I could turn to and at the moment I'm sorta beating myself with the thought that I'm somehow less of a person 'cos I still need outside validation. Why do I need it? I understand that my ego got kicked last night by once again being uninteresting to others and I quess now I'm after a message that I'm okey and that there are people who still like my company.

What's up with me? Temporary case of extremely low self-esteem? What can I do? Just wait for this to pass? How can I prevent this feeling from visiting me? Can I?

I just reread my post and got a cleerer picture. I quess the feeling I felt like an outsider yesterday was partly because I was at a bar to see a show and afterwards since I don't drink I found it difficult to blend in. I did not want to go and talk to anyone and no one talked to me. It's been a while since I've been to bars alone. I have never felt at home there. Could that be part of the problem? I feel like I'm having a relapse here. I have been feeling so peaceful lately and waking up in a good mood that this is kinda hitting me from behind. Can you guys help me out? What do you see?
chess is offline