Oh, I survived quite well, actually. Thank you though.
Someone said in this forum last week, the worst thing that can happen in a relapse is nothing. I remember smiling when I saw it... he was right.
Guess I don't want it bad enough... no, that's inaccurate. I do want to be sober. But when I sober up I realize I'm just abandoned in this world... Miles and miles away from everybody. No children, no husband, no family who wants me to be sober... I'm finishing up a school career cut off by arbitrary budget cuts. I will have spent four years at it, but I will not graduate due to missing classes. So I'll be back to stranded... It just seems so hopeless. I build myself up, I get knocked down... a lot of times last year I was thinking how I didn't mind if I died or didn't succeed due to drinking--because *I* did it.
Mostly stuff just happens to me. And I get to feel the brunt of it all alone. Just keeps pushing me around.
I miss people.
Now I'm crying. Bye.