Welcome angharad! Like littlefish, I'm just reading this for the first time. It's great how much progress you've made in a short time. I can see you've opened your mind to new ideas & I know how hard that is. Telling your fiancee was a huge step - good for you. I found that once everything was out in the open I felt so relieved.
Don't be discouraged by how you feel right now. The restlessness, for one thing, will get better. I quit after 25 yrs. and I've gone through many phases. I was in a state of shock in the beginning, a fish out of water. I had to learn to live differently - nothing felt the same. I can remember being miserable and bored in the beginning, wondering if that was the way I'd always feel. I can understand how some can't stick with it, but they don't give themselves a fair chance. Your body & mind are healing from all the abuse. You will continue to improve and feel alive again.
I'm so glad you found SR and hope you'll stay with us to share more about your journey.