Originally Posted by
gneiss 
I had a moment of realization that I probably should have had a long time ago. I get so upset about stuff and take things personally at night; nights are always the worst. I think it's just when I'm tired. When these little hiccups happen-- people ticking me off or me getting stressed out-- during the day they aren't so much of a problem. I think I just need a different schedule, little more chill-out time in the evening perhaps. My sleep schedule's been really weird lately, too. That doesn't help.
Phone woke me up and now I can't get back to sleep. Argh.
Nighttime is always danger time for me too. I've never really been able to put a finger on what it is. It is the time I feel a little "squirley" and want to drink/use, even when the thought hasn't crossed my mind all day.
I've always had trouble getting to sleep at night. I can lie down and take a nap in the daytime and be asleep in 5 min, but at night, even if I'm exausted, it always takes me between a half hour to an hour or more to fall asleep, and that is taking my perscribed meds. (1mg xanax, 150mg triazodone) My mind races, I'm prone to "beating myself up" for any number of reasons (I have lots to choose from!!) I've tried relaxation exercises, medatation, changing what I do before I go to bed, but it always seems the same. I've just kinda accepted that it is just how I am.
I'm also much more prone to depressive thinking at night. I've had a number of indications and suggestions from theripists, etc. that I show many signs of repressed childhood trauma. I have my thoughts about what might of happened, but haven't been able to allow myself to open up that can of worms, even though I think it would be helpful in the long run. For the time being, I continue to keep those thoughts stuffed down inside, and I'm doing OK. Maybe I just need to take one thing at a time. Who knows? Take care.