(((hugs)))
It's like there's so many things I could say sweetheart but none of it matters a whit. I'm just so sorry for the struggles that you are going through right now. I wish I could be there to support you face to face. To hold your hand and be your friend like you have been to so many on this website.
I know that you will be ok and that this will pass. I'm sure you don't feel like that right now but have faith that you will and that things will work out.
He is in a much better place now. I know you know this. And I'm sorry you have such a mess to deal with. But I know you can do this. You are so amazing. And you have the prayers of so many. You will survive. You will more than survive.
Your recovery is shining Teke.
Take a deep breath and keep moving forward. Peace and serenity await you.