Nairbon, I always have so much to learn, so I don't know how to "answer" your post, but I can reply to you. I believe you will find your own answers if you look at what you are saying yourself. I understand you when you say "ironically it isn't the alcohol." I used to smell beer so much...and you know what? It always tasted like CRAP. It was just different varieties of crap and I learned to make a medicine out of it. Well, it was a medicine that could have killed me. (Another irony that was sitting right there with me for years.) And I also notice that you drew a distinction between the different substances (alcohol vs drugs). I guess there are some differences, and I share with you the path of having not tried them....But something that would really make me feel a "wow" was the recognition that I am not just an alcoholic, but also a drug addict. (Alcohol is one of the oldest drugs around, it's just not what we think of when we hear the word "drugs"!) I think it actually helped me to look at that fact, it might have helped me. The "pain" and the quest for something to numb is what we share. Good luck, you will do great as you put a stop to it.