yeah, we understand. i hear you that you cannot attend alanon, so keep using s/r!!right now i'm wondering if you could keep the communication with your mother to things not related to abf. don't try and get sympathy, don't try and make her understand, just try your best to remain grateful to her (and let her know) for the help she is giving. she just either truly doesn't get it (maybe never been with one?) and she is afraid for you.
many people would advise both him and you, to give him the space to get clean and sober before you resume your relationship (and not just weeks). this sounds like a good plan....you can gague his progress and make some of your own.