30 days Sober and just joining you.
Hello. I joined you folks formally this day. I happened upon you in my online search for answers about alcohol withdrawal, recovery, and other alcohol cessation/sobriety related questions. Most of the time when I would Google a question this site would come up, giving me help and advice, and HOPE....and I just kept coming back. Finally today, having reached 30 days sober, I decided to take a leap and join up. I've never been on any online forums/chat rooms, before. So that I joined is a confirmation that I am finally being serious with myself about my problem. I am glad that I am able to join you all who have helped me throughout the month. I thank you for being there for me, even though you did not know me, or know that I was "lurking". And I look forward to sharing, and to receiving help and insights, and to hopefully giving helpful input.
I woke up exactly 4 weeks ago today....and it was not pretty. I had strange shooting pains in my head, I could not think straight to write up my technical reports for work, and my hands were starting to feel like I was losing my fine motor coordination in them. I would say for probably a couple of weeks this had been happening. Well this day that I woke up on January 25th, I got scared out of my mind. I felt like I was killing myself....a nice slow rediculous death. And I decided that I wanted to live.
I have wrestled with drinking a lot on and off for years. Many many years. About 35 years.
This last stint of about 2.5 years of drinking every night started when I had a lot of losses to deal with. My Dad died, my dear friend comitted suicide, my mom died, and my dear hound-dog died (mom and my dog within 2 months of each other..and the rest all pretty close together.) It was rough, everytime I turned around another one that I loved with all of my heart left, and I was thrown for very painful loop. The self medicating got way out of hand though and was killing me. Literally. I want to live. And I am ready to deal with the rest of the pain without alcohol. And I need help.
Someone, somewhere on this forum wrote that she is "leaning with all of her might into the future". And I have really hung onto that as a sort of mantra for myself. So thank you for whoever wrote that.
I am looking forward to clarity and learning how to stay on this road.
Thank you. I look forward to interacting with you. I am very glad you are there. I am very glad I am here.