Originally Posted by
outtolunch 
I know you need to and are venting. I too am sorry that you are going through this mess.
He's an addict doing what addicts do, living with someone who does what addicts do, too.
Have you considered not being a party to conversations that involve your husband's lifestyle? What good can possible come of hearing about it?
I am not sure what you mean by abandonment? Do you want him to return to the family home or just take care of his financial obligations to your child?
You can exacerbate or mitigate the potential for your child having to "endure a lifetime of disappointment from this man". Professional counseling can teach both you and your son how to use the tools of disengagement from that which you did not cause, cannot control or cure. In otherwords, it is not a forgone conclusion that your son will be hurt or damaged by this experience. It will however, depend on you, your reaction and awareness and use of tools.
Yes, I have considered not being party to those conversations and it is so hard. These people that call me are hurting too and I tell them over and over that I'm trying to distance myself. Plus, I feel like I do need to know some of this stuff because he is trying to continue having a relationship with our 23 month old. Since my child can't tell me what is going on when he is with his father and I don't have any thing in the courts yet I'm finding things out to make my case. I'm not entertaining conversations with my husband too much and even if I was I would hear nothing but lies. I do feel I need to hear some of what people are trying to tell me so that when we do start divorce proceedings I have some knowledge of what my husband is up to.
By abandonment I meant that he has left our home and isn't providing any financial help. I found out they have to be gone an entire year with no contact or financial help before it can be considered abandonment in my state so that is a non-issue right now. I DO NOT want him to return to our home at this point. If you asked me 2 weeks ago I would have said yes, but now knowing what is going on has solidified that he has no intentions of continuing in his recovery. Having him gone has been peaceful and I can see how life will get better with him gone. I do want him to contribute financially and I want nothing more than for him to be a father to our son.
Right now my son is too young to understand what is going on so I know I have time to work on myself and to get the tools to help him as he begins to understand.