nairbon,
For me, I couldn't numb the pain any longer, I had to heal it. Therapy helped a lot. Not drinking and learning how to avoid my self-induced dramas helped the healing too. It was like I had to stop torturing myself and learn new, positive ways to deal with my past.
It was painful but today I actually have peace in my life. I may not always be happy, but I am content.
Hope this helps.
Love,
Lenina