Actually, in my previous "attempts" I made sure to
run out beforehand.
While I'm still addicted to nicotine, I did have years of successfully being quit. What finally worked for me way back when was quitting halfway through a pack. Every time I tried to quit "when I ran out" was an utter failure - but, smashing a nearly full pack into the ground was an act of victory and dominance over the addiction that made me feel like I was winning from the first minute. Going to war was kind of tough, so I eventually succumbed to nicotine again (after a LONG time quite), and have been off/on for a few years. I'm going to beat that again in due time.
Anyway, I hoped to have that same victorious feeling last night... but I could almost hear a voice yelling in my ear that I shouldn't pour those out.... It even crossed my mind to just go put them in the fridge (I didn't even bother refrigerate my last case, ugh). In the end I won out, but I've been feeling nervous and anxious off and on ever since.
Reading SR helps.
