toji53

Hey. I'm new, obviously.

I've been an addict for about 2 years now. I've stopped for a few months here and there, but have always relapsed.

I was a senior in college when I was introduced to heroin by a friend of a girl I was dating. My girlfriend really liked it, and because I'd never known anyone with a substance abuse problem, I believed I could stop whenever I wanted.

I was extremely froogle back then and had saved up about 6 thousand dollars. Within a 6 months to a year it was all gone. Either stolen by my ex or used to feed both of our addictions.

I was living with my parents through college to save on the expensive of housing, and when they found out 6 months into it, they were devestated. They immediately got me into a suboxone clinic, and while I was tired of using and wanted to try to get my life back in order, I was still dating an addict. The first day I got on suboxone my ex convinced me to help her get high (at the time I couldn't bare to allow her to be sick).

My parents hadn't lost all faith in me at that point, so I managed to continue to use with her for a while without them being too specious. My ex's parents soon got fed up with her stealing and kicked her out, forcing her to go into the army. I realized after she left I didn't have to support her habit anymore. I could focus completely on mine.

I worked part time to support my habit, but I was soon laid off.

Eventually my parents wised up and could tell if I'd used within a few seconds of contact with them.

I'm now 24. I hate myself so much for getting myself into this situation, being completely dependent upon my parents who don't trust me at all. I've reverted to a child in there eyes, and they treat me as such.

I'm on suboxone again, but I'm literally a prisoner in my parents house. They've parked the car I received as a birthday/graduation from high school present. They've hidden my phone from me. I literally don't have a dime to my name at this point. I've always struggled with keeping friendships, and at this point have absolutely no one left. Hell, my younger brother who I used to be close with actively tries to find things to tell my parents, anything he thinks would upset them.

I've been desperately looking for a job for a 3-4 months now. The last job I had turned out to be a huge waste of time (insurance company with a 97% turnover rate). I'd take anything at this point, just to get myself back on my feet. I've applied to so many places and have yet to get a call back. I'm at my wits end. I have a degree from Ohio State University (in marketing) and I can't even seems to get an interview at Walmart, Starbucks, Target, etc.

I keep trying to tell myself if I can just stay clean, things will get better, but in the past the longer I'm sober the more likely I am to relapse. I just can't believe I've done this to myself and I can't convince myself it isn't worth it.

I know finding and working a job is the first step, and I know I can't give up hope. It doesn't help that I suffer from depression and have always had trouble with motivation when I seem to be failing at every turn. I've been through suicidal fazes and realize I do want to live.

Anyone who read all that, thanks. If you have any advice, it'd be very appreciated.