One thing that I picked up this morning is that alcoholism is a "thinking" and not a "drinking" problem.
Depression is rife in alcoholics. I bet you will be hard pressed to find any alcoholic who hasn't suffered from depression. It's all part of the disease mate. Is that depression likely to take you back to a drink a few weeks/months down the line? You bet it is!! 'Cunning, baffling and powerful indeed'
I too suffered from clinical depression but continued to drink heavily throughout. I never associated my depression with alcoholism. I used my depression as an 'excuse' to self medicate with my medicine.
By working a 'recovery' programme will help you be able to deal with these emotions that you struggle with. The drinking is merely a symptom of the disease of an alcoholic mind.
You may or may not want to believe that and not this time last year I would have replied "what a load of b*llocks" but guess what? I started drinking again!
Just remember it is the drink that has caused all this. Never forget that.
The 12 steps of AA are there to help you deal with everything that you are worried about/talking about. I have learned to not worry about things that are gone and in the past anymore but to "live in the solution and not in the problem"
All The Best.