Ok, so you drank. You haven't lost everything that you learned about yourself and your Recovery during those 48 days. I'm imagine there were at least a few times during those 48 days that you felt like drinking but you didn't. There were two valuable things you learned over this . . . what it was that you drank over and how guilty you feel right now. Use these as learning tools, not something to beat yourself up over.
I had relapsed so many times that the Nurse's at the detox unit where I had went more times than I can honestly count had a nickname for me that I wasn't supposed to hear them call me. The Queen of Relapse. I overheard them referring to me as that one of my last times that I went into detox. On my One Year Anniversary, we were at a Meeting and as my Sponsor handed me my token, I whispered in her ear, "You may now call me Serenity Queen." It's pretty bad when Nurse's on the detox unit at the local hospital called me The Queen of Relapse. That should give you an idea of how many times I relapsed. That was about five years ago. Four and a half of those years I have been Clean, Sober, Happy, Joyous & Free. It wasn't an easy road, but each time along the way when I hit a brick wall and used, no, I wasn't happy with myself. I hung my head in shame. But as I look at it now, each situation that caused me to drink over I knew to avoid or how to deal with it so I didn't drink over it ever again.
Learn from this, grow from this & as the old expression goes, "Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start all over again." You can do this.
God Bless,
Judy