There are a lot of people here for you. If you need someone to talk to on here, try the chat room. Someone is usually always there to listen. Everyone has their own reasons for doing it. For me, I did it to drink away the anxiety I got from NOT drinking. It was the only thing that make it go away..... at least temporarily. Then it would just come back with a vengeance once I stopped. It was a double edged sword. It took it away, and made it worse at the same time. But in the end it was just killing me. I really hope you get the help you need to get sober. Your life depends on it!