Welcome to SR Jay, I have walked in your shoes, I did so for a lot of years!
I like you drank even though I did not want to drink, I had to drink to feel normal!
I to reached the point where there were days I drank all day, one right after the other & could no longer get where I needed to get, I could not even get a buzz any more.
I stood on the edge of a cliff, I had my future exposed to me if I kept on drinking, the lose of every single thing I held dear in life..... leaving me to drink myself to a slow, painful, LONELY death from my alcoholism!
I felt totally hopeless, you see I knew I was incapable of stopping drinking with out help, as a result of this realization I knew I could never stay sober because I could not even get sober! I knew I had to do something or I was going to lose it all & die!!!
I called a Drug & Alcohol hotline and they got me an appointment with a doctor who specialized in drug addiction & alcoholism!!! I had given up, I had surrendered to the fact that if I kept doing things my way I was a dead man!!!
I saw the doctor & I told him the ENTIRE truth about my drinking.... how long I drank, how much I drank, what happened to me if I tried not to drink, & what happened to me when I did drink!
He told me that if I wanted even a chance to get sober I needed to be medically detoxed!
Jay are you willing to do what ever it takes to GET sober?
If the anwer to that is yes then see a doctor ASAP & tell the Dr. the WHOLE truth and then do as the Dr. suggest!
If you listen to the Dr. and you go into detox then you will need to be willing to do what ever it takes to STAY sober!
The majority of alcoholics need some sort of long term recovery program! More then likely the detox folks will give you a taste of a long term recovery program, you may go to rehab, in rehab they will give you a larger taste of a long term recovery program.
Take it one step at a time and know that you are not hopeless if you are willing to do what ever it takes to first get sober & then to stay sober.
See a Dr. NOW & be HONEST!!!!