Hi Mellie - For me, relapse was a way of showing myself what didn't work. I learned from it and then finally was able to quit for good.
I think, as you correctly pointed out, that we relapse in our minds long before we relapse by actually taking the drink. Therefore, one of my new life tools is to recognize when I am starting to think that way and then take immediate action to change my thinking. One technique that I find quite helpful is to say: "Wait until tomorrow. Give this feeling a day to pass." Then, I make sure that I get a good night sleep and do some active work on my recovery.
Many of the people that I work with are able to abstain, but they don't really work on their recovery. Eventually, this will usually lead to relapse. I have found that I need to do something on my recovery each day. When I am busy, reading a couple of posts on SR may be all that I can do. Other days, I will work with another alcoholic or speak at meetings. You will find what works for you, but I feel that it is the actions that keep me sober.
No harm done, just get back on the path. You will do it, but only when you are ready.