dedubya I know you were going to AA meetings for a bit, I can attest that working a program and not trying to do it my way is what has worked for me & the majority of other folks in recovery for more then a couple of months.
Have you ever considered
WORKING a long term program of recovery?
dedubya I can only tell you what WORKING the AA program is, that is my experience.
In AA going to meetings is actually only PART of one of the 12 steps in AA, step 12:
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
I have bolded the part of step 12 that meetings are about, that is it! There are 12 steps in the program of AA, the fellowship of AA is NOT the program of AA.
WORKING the program of AA for me & others that I know who have & do WORK the program of AA involves:
1. Having a sponsor.
2. Taking the 12 steps with my sponsor.
3. Practicing those principles in all my affairs daily to the best of my ability.
4. Carrying the message I gained from the steps to fellow alcoholics both in & out of meetings. (The outside of meetings is carrying the message to those seeking help only)
The above is but a part of WORKING the program of AA, it is how I & millions of others have recovered from a hopeless state of mind & body.
dedubya if you do not feel up to WORKING the AA program that is cool, find another long term recovery program and WORK it!
I do not care what the program is, SMART, AA, or what ever, I can assure you that if you only work the parts that you feel like working the odds are tremendously decreased that any program is going to WORK!
I know for me & every one else I know with over a year clean & sober, we have had to KEEP our recovery our #1 priority EVERY day.
dedubya I pray that you do embrace some long term recovery program soon and that you make staying clean and sober your #1 priority in your life before the "YETs" start happening.