When I first realized I had a problem with crack cocaine (back in September of 08), that I was not in control of using, but rather using was in control of me, I made every excuse in the world.
Work got in the way.
Boyfriend got in the way (he smoked crack too!).
Getting away from boyfriend got in the way.
Finding a place to live got in the way.
Being afraid of NA got in the way.
Mom in the hospital got in the way.
Being with new boyfriend got in the way.
Work still got in the way.
Life got in the way.
It wasn't until I quit the job I was about to lose (in a LONG line of jobs I'd lost due to my crack habit), went to those darned scary meetings, and put the boyfriend, helping others (and I am a big helper!), and everything else aside, did I get and stay clean. I hope to never forget where I came from and not ever allow things to get in the way of my recovery again. It's me first, just like when I used, only a clean me CAN and DOES help people and I am more productive than ever. Starting school on the 24th!
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
Stop the madness, Dub. Everytime you pick up, you're saying "screw you" to work anyway. Hate to be hard on you, but you're either going to have to balance work and recovery or quit that job and get to cracking on your recovery, or risk losing it all because you wanted to wait for a vacation.
I really care about you (and all my friends at SR), so please don't take it hard. I just really want to help and more than anything I want you to be clean and sober, for you! You are so worth it man. SO VERY VERY worth it!
Keep trying, but shake it up and try some different things. Trying to work and get clean isn't doing it. Something gotta give. Before you don't get another chance to try again. :ghug3