humblestudent

Ok - so I've been posting about the angst of what/if to say and when/if to say it regarding why I'm so obviously not drinking anymore.

Well - saw the drinking crew at an event yesterday, then we all went to dinner together. Where I used to be immediately jealous, and a bit angry that they "could drink", and I couldn't, now I don't feel that. Instead, I find myself fascinated with how they drink, and what it does to them throughout an evening, as I see my drinking self in a few of them, and find it insightful, and inspirational as a way for me NOT to drink again.

Anyhoo - this one person got pretty well into the bag before dinner even. Throughout dinner more drinking, etc. As we were leaving this person confronted me about me not drinking with a "We were wondering" almost in a borderline confrontational/hostile way (though she WAS drunk - so...). So I said simply, "I decided to quit." She pushed it and said, "Oh really? Why...? (Again, a bit of anger there...?). And I calmly said, "Well, I'm tired of feeling like crap, tired of the anxiety, etc. So I'm trying something different." So, she was like, "Well, are you going to stay stopped, or is this just for a while?" UGH - at this point, I wanted to say, are you writing a book or something? I started to feel really open and vulnerable, cornered and diminished...A bit like a girl in middle school who has completely the wrong outfit on, on the first day of school. I handled it calmy, but was a bit peeved that I felt like I had to stand there and explain myself to the inquisiton.

So, I'm sure they're all talking about me today at their Superbowl party. But I'm sure I was the topic of conversation when I was drinking too! I'd rather the topic be how I'm not drinking anymore vs. what an ass I made of myself last night.

The whole thing was just a bit surreal, especially as this person was drunk. Very ironic. Please understand I am not judging, nor in any position to judge anyone's drunkeness. I just find it very enlightening to observe with sober eyes. And I'm glad I'm not behaving that way anymore. In fact, a few of them, I can see by the way they are drinking that they have a problem...and it's hard to stand by knowing this and watch.