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Old 02-07-2010, 07:45 AM
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Aysha
Looking For Myself...Sober
 
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Weekly update....

I am just going to keep my weekly visits in one thread.

Was in a seriously depressing funk the first part of the week. Dont know why.
I havent had a cig in 2 weeks. Really been wanting one for the past 4 days or so tho.
Still struggling with speaking in groups and meeting people at meetings. I just dont know what to say to anyone. Or most everyone is already talking to someone and I dont want to interupt or just stand there like an idiot waiting for them to finish.
I am finding more NA meetings tho.
Dont really feel like I have been doing anything this past month, except staying clean.
I dont feel any real growth inside. I still think about using. I had the stupidest dream last night where the guy was trying to sell me little blocks of velveeta cheese.
I really want to get involved in meetings and stuff. But I just am so overcome with social anxiety, it is crippling at times.
I dont know what that is all about. I havent been like that in a long time.
I dont know.
Being in the halfway house is easy staying clean. Really have no choice. When I have to get a job and start having those paychecks again will be the real test.
Maybe by then having 7 mos already will make it a little easier.

My van is up and running again. Thats good. Now my gram can have her independence back.
Went with this girl from IOP to Borders and coffee then a meeting last night. That was pretty cool. She is nice. She kinda reminds me of Megan Fox and she has all kinds of tattoos. I love that. She is a really cool down to earth girl.
Anyway. Just checking in. Nothing much to report. Just sorta feel in a rut. And its got alot to do qith myself.
Glad to have you guys.
Hope everyone is doing well.
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