sparklinbluz

Until last week I was in a 8 year relationship with a caring, funny, hardworking, soft spoken alcoholic who has been sober for about 10 months now. Of course I fell in love with him because of the things mentioned above. When we first met he was drinking Oduls you would think a red flag would of hit me in the head but even though I was 42 at the time I had not much experience with alcoholism. The increase with drinking was gradual and I drink so it started with us sharing a bottle of wine. At first are times together were wonderful we have alot in common liked to do the same things. I fell in love and was loved back for the first time in my life. So now I am in love with this man and his drinking was getting worse. I was not a everyday drinker but I did enjoy my wine and found myself starting to drink right along with him. I never drank to his extent but I would have couple three a night I know when to stop and he didnt. I babysat him for the majority of our relationship when he would go to far - hide keys change sheets stop him from acting like a fool and he would black out you would think he would pass out but he wouldnt strange. It wasnt like this on week nights but on more weekends than not. He worked so hard at his job to get a better position and he only got taken advantage of I felt so bad for him. Of course his drinking chipped away at our relationship and I started to get disgusted with him but I still loved him dearly because of the sober man I knew he could be. My family and I had interventions - we decided we would only drink on the weekends we tried everything nothing worked of course. The last straw was when he passed out in the bathroom with his pants down to his ankles and my daughter and her friends saw this. I knew I had to tell him to leave it was heartbreaking but I couldnt take it anymore. So next day I said rehab or leave he chose rehab. I am so proud of him for being sober for 10 months now and I wouldnt want that to change for anything. I thought everything will be ok now boy was I wrong. I decided I could still be a social drinker and go to my friends and have some wine and this would be fine. He never said please dont drink to me until recently. I look back on this and this was wrong of me to do. Our relationship was in such a shamble I had no clue how to start improving it. He asked me to not drink anymore I couldnt picture myself never being able to have a drink with dinner or wine with friends. I only drink on Friday or Sat nite. When he stopped drinking he became a different person he was never around he kept so busy and I felt he didnt want to work on our relationship we hardly talked. Everytime I ask him a question I would get a AA answer. He never opened up to me. He decided even though he "loves me to death" he had to find himself for the first time in his life. So he left me at the worst time possible. I say this because we have both been unemployed for a year due to layoffs and have not been able to find employment. Our income changed drastically but our bills did not. Now I am fighting to keep a roof over my daughter and my head. He left me with a sky high electric bill and facing eviction. He gets to start his new life and I am stuck with the old one. Isnt this just so honorable of him. My daughter is crushed she is 19 and considers him her Dad her real Dad hasnt been around since she was 3 years old. I put up with his drinking for years and now he just bails! He said maybe we can be together again down the road I cant live on that. He acts like he isnt phased by this why isnt he showing any sadness over this? He said he has cried plenty about this decision why cant he show this to me. I am so angry at him and hurt. He came back yesterday to get more of his things and I felt my anger start building up again so I started gathering his things and he said I am not going to take that today. He thinks he can just come and go oh no so I started putting his things outside told him you need to get all your stuff and leave the house keys I cant see you for awhile it opens up wounds everytime I see you this is not fair to me. I really wanted to punch him and scream! But I am not a violent person. I know our relationship was broken before this if we had health insurance maybe we could of gone to counseling to help us. We do love each other but so much has happened against us. My son just moved out he moved out and my daughter is never home. I will soon be alone, I do go to college and have close friends and family but my heart and home is empty. Sorry so long but I had to get this out. Thank you for listening