dprovan

Hi everyone,

my name is shaun. I come from a family background were alcohol misuse was part of the furniture... In addition I have always suspected that I have what I see as a propensity to addictions... In the past I have been addicted to smoking, gambling even playing computer games. I am the sort of person that when I develop a habit it tends to get bigger and bigger until I reach a point where I need to re-evaluate and stop!

Given all of the above I was concious that I should be careful around alcohol... Saying this when I look at things now I see that my relationship with alcohol has been to misuse it... I started drinking when i was 16 or so... The circles I moved in menat that my friends and I would drink to get drunk mostly... Not every night but most weekends... Throughout my 20s I would drink most weekends and would often have been tipsy or drunk... Throughout this time it was always social never in the home... Then when I got married I stopped going out as much so didn't drink much at all... I could take it or leave it... I seen a period when I opened a bottle of wine and eventually threw it out as it had sat so long...Things stayed like that until probably about 5 years ago when I started drinking at home.. I developed a taste for wine, and would drink a bottle at the weekend with my wife... Somewhere along this path we both began to drink more frequently and we were opening wine most nights... After a while my wife cut down and only drank at weekends but I kept drinking... I would say I was drinking a bottle every night for the past 2 years...

I never tried to cut back... I thought about it but never tried... Then this new year, I reviewed my life and thought I needed to stop for a while to prove I could... I also knew my lifestyle was not good and I was feeling under pressure so I stopped.... The next day I hit what I can only describe as an emotional wall.... I had terrible anxiety for six days... It was the longest six days of my life... I could not function,,, crying was a comfort to act as some sort of a release and my wife supported me greatly. I went to my gp and told him all. He did not think it was alcohol related he felt I hadnt been drinking enough... I don't know... Part of me thinks I was drinking too much and was misusing alcohol but the other part is scared of the anxiety (which thankfully has not returned)... I go on holiday for a week tomorrow with a few guys, I have never went on holiday before in my life where alcohol has not played a big part...It is how I socialise and I feel strange thinking of not drinking (I havent had a drink in 5 weeks and largely speaking have not missed it) but at the same time I wouldn't want to re-awaken a monster and I know my wife wants me to leave it at least six months to give my body and brain time to recover...

I am interested in what others think , does this sound familiar and what would you do if in my shoes.
thank you for reading