Hi Ex
I'm sorry for what happened to you...I hope you are talking with a counsellor, or decide to.
You'll find a lot of support here for your drinking, and a lot understanding...
a lot of us progressed to drinking alone...for me it became preferable to do it that way - I could drink as much as like without having to worry what others thought or being embarrassed if anything happened, as it usually did.
SR helped me turn that around. Hope we can do that for you too
Welcome!
D