week 2
I'm still sober but still not ready to go to a meeting. It's only a matter of time before I will drink. It would be easier if my drinking was out of control, that is, blackout drinking. Instead I make myself miserable on half a bottle of wine once or twice a week. It tastes great and feels great at the time but the next time I'm really sick. And I know that a "normal" drinker would simply not drink. I am allergic to alcohol and the obsession to drink is strong, even if I only drink occasionally and not a prodigious amount. No one is telling me to quit, it is just me. I am praying for guidance and, I suppose, surrender. I have not surrendered. I know I basically write the same thing ever time I log in but I'm grateful to have a place to write down these thoughts. Thank you.