cmhcali, thanks for your response. it helps to know there are others who can relate so closely. there's a good chance i will get the crazies from time to time, and it will help to vent somewhere. i will definitely keep updating.
bluebelle, i've done a lot of reading on here, and definitely plan to continue. i'll look into that book you mentioned. i'm not quite sure i fit the description of a co-dependant from what i've read, but i guess it's possible.
i do know that no matter how much i love him, i am not going to let him ruin me or my life. i've worked hard for my money, my apartment, my car. i like to travel and do things. i'm not going to be held back from those things because i'm with someone who is spending all their money on pills.
i've made sure to be very clear with him that he will lose me if he doesn't get clean. i don't know if that's a bad enough consequence to him to stay clean, but i hope it is. it seems that's all i can do to help, set that boundary and hope he makes good choices.