Thank you, everyone, for your input! I understand how hard it is is early sobriety...finding oneself, finding alternate activities, revamping the way we think, and discovering a gratitude that is in direct proportion to our previous despair and hopelessness and I, myself, slip and slid more times than I care to admit, just to get sober. But going back out, after being sober..that's what baffles me. Anyone who is sober (well, at least I assume so..which may be inaccurate) cannot help but feel their life is better - maybe not all light and roses, but certainly better---how could they not? At the very least, they sleep better, are less anxious, feel better physically and have better self-esteem. And yet when faced with ???, chooses to pick up again. Is the answer because we are alcoholics? That explanation has always confused me and scared me because I am not sure I understand what that statement means. Is it impulsivity...which seems to be part of it all? I understand that we learn how to cope with resentments and other triggers, but is that enough?
I guess I'm just looking for "insurance" (which I understand intellectually is impossible). I will do everything and anything to keep what I have attained. I just can't imagine going back and pray I never come across a hurdle that makes me question that seemingly rock hard conviction.