Ouch, I bet that was as painful to write as it was to read. I completely understand how you are feeling, thanks for the reminder, you have helped me stay sober today. I so remember my own episodes while drinking (the ones I didn't remember due to blackout were painfully told to me while hungover or starting my next drunk)....it is a horrible feeling. I suggest you hang on this memory (don't keep beating yourself up over it though) it will help keep you sober in the long run..."lest we forget"
Cathy