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Old 02-01-2010, 02:42 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Needsomechge
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6
Thanks for your replies & update

Thank you all for taking the time to read my story and share with me...your comment definitely have made me look inside myself more, and see that so much of it is MY CHOICES, not his, and that I am the only one who can change those choices. He is not making me pay his bills, I chose to because I wanted to be supportive while he is in rehab- so whoever said it, you are right, I can not expect to be owed anything for doing what I have done. Its hard to cope with the understanding that I need to just "Let go, and Let God" and its out of my control whether or not my BF will be in my life after he finishes his program. I am truly just happy he is getting help, and hate feeling selfish because his treatment does not include me. Its hard learning to live without your second half.

I am glad for the lack of drama in my life and the constant worrying and helpless feeling I had before he entered rehab. Finally I am able to step back and see how wrapped up in it all I got, and how much my own life has fallen apart, and that I, ME, need to concentrate on MYSELF and my needs- in other words, learn to love myself. But, I still miss him- he was the one I called to tell everything to, from stupid things to very important things, he is the one I used to feel comfortable crying to and telling my fears to, and he was the only person who could make me feel better. He has hurt me, but he has loved me a lot more. I accept that I was a codependent ( a month ago I'd never heard the term) and I am committed to work on my own recovery with that, but there isn't a overnight cure...and in the mean time I am dealing with a lot of loneliness from everything. I will keep trying to keep my head up, go to meetings, and get through this, and hopefully it will get easier. I hate missing him so much when I know he is where he needs to be, its a selfish feeling. I am so scared to be without him.
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