thanks for all the comments - I know that I should go and see someone and / or AA but I'm terrified of seeing someone I know!! Trying to not go to the shop to get some wine "take the edge off" I can't imagine my life carrying on like this with drink but can't imagine my life without it. I am going to have to speak to my friends and ask them for their help I think, but it will be so embarrasing admitting I have so much of a problem.