Look, it's my twin. ;-)
I used to wait until bedtime too. Then somehow bedtime got earlier and earlier. Eventually it turned into having just one drink or two drinks before his bedtime, etc...
I felt so guilty that I exhausted myself from trying to be Supermom the rest of the time. I see now, all that exhaustive work only had me at mediocre at best.
Sounds like you're on your way. I didn't have the insight til much later.
"Why is it so hard to give up something that i hate in so many ways!! I just feel so stupid and useless."
Everyone here was/is in the same boat. The big hurdles are right in front of you. After those are crossed it gets much easier. I might have a craving now and then, but it's really just an annoyance rather than obsession. It will go away. Just place one foot in front of the other and do what's suggested. Which usually starts out with meetings and reaching out.