Originally Posted by
john0000 
Thanks all, just can't wait to get home and get this day finished. I always start with the best of intentions at the beginning of a week but by Thursday I am "treating" myself and Saturday evenings it all goes wrong. I just don't understand why i do it when I hate the way that it makes me feel. i may as well have written off yesterday and today and that is such an unbelieveable waste.
Why is it so hard to give up something that i hate in so many ways!! I just feel so stupid and useless.
Alcoholism is a disease just like any other but with one difference. Alcohol is the only disease that will continue to tell you that you don't have a disease (I heard this in a meeting and it really stuck with me).
The great news is that it is treatable - on a day-by-day basis. I'm not saying it's easy, but it is very doable if you want to be free of your sickness.
I hate it as well. That said, give me a drink and it's like a starter's pistol is going off at the beginning of a race. I'm going to continue to drink until there's nothing left TO drink. That's the disease I know as alcoholism.
FWIW, I've been reading a book that I think is absolutely great at explaining what is going on and how to get help. It's called "Healing The Addicted Brain" by Harold Urschel. He's seen as a real pioneer in taking the next step to alcohol recovery and was even highlighted on CNN. Again, take it or leave it but it has helped me out in what is going on inside of my brain and has really helped me take a big step in dealing with my guilt and shame.
Lot's of prayers and love going out to you.
RacerX