Hi Scarlet and welcome.
You can still be alcoholic without losing everything or causing problems with family and friends. The very fact you have such a dependance on alcohol, suggests a real problem.
If you are an everyday drinker, then withdrawal can be a problem and may need medical help.
As to the thoughts about drinking in the future, for many of us we have found working the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, have removed that obsession for us and enable us to live a happy life without alcohol.
All you need is a desire to stop drinking to go to meetings.
Good luck.