Newbie Saying Hi
Hello all...I'm new to SB. I've been lurking for a week or two and decided to sign up and start posting.
It's only been a few days for me. It's a miracle I made it through the weekend.
Some of the following has been posted in a different forum:
I've been drinking non-stop since 1990. The longest I've been sober is about 45 or so days. My demon is the beer. I love the beer. I went through a beer with some vodka phase, but grew out of that. I pretty much have been walking through life drunk for 20 years now (really longer, but 20 is a nice even number).
To sum it up - I'm really a failure at life. Never been married. Never owned a house. Always was/is broke. I live in an attic apartment with no furniture, just a cheap couch and a broken tv. I spend most of my time at my girlfriends house (why she stays with me I'm not sure).
I used to sit around for hours in a bar trying to figure out exactly what day or event turned my life into a failure. It never dawned on me until recently it might be the alcohol. To be honest...I'm still not convinced that it's entirely the alcohol. I think other issues encompass my being. I think maybe I'm just broken or something. I believe there is something deeply wrong with me.
I have to stop drinking due to health concerns anyway. There not major, but it's time before they became a big deal. I think alcohol has effected me mentally more than physically. I'm depressed. I can't hold a thought
I've been reading about the 12 steps, but haven't attend a meeting yet. I'll probably go to some next week. I know one thing - I can't keep living like this.